Understand Your True Identity: Breaking Free From Negative Self-Talk | Dr Jeremy Thompson
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𝗚𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁: Dr Jeremy Thompson
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- Understand Your True Identity [https://understandyourtrueidentity.com/]
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- Understand Your True Identity [https://www.amazon.com.au/Understand-Your-Identity-Jeremy-Thompson/dp/1636986277/]
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Book: Understand Your True Identity: Discover the Real You and Enjoy Healthier Relationships
Dr Jeremy Thompson is a Sydney GP with decades of experience in family medicine. His work has also included psychological medicine, counselling and hypnosis. In this conversation, he explains his positive-centred approach and the importance of distinguishing our genuine strengths from negative beliefs and behaviours acquired throughout life.
Timestamp:
00:00:00 Introduction
00:02:24 Understanding Your Identity
00:05:00 The “Mixed Bag”
00:10:08 Negative Self-Talk
00:17:45 Finding Your Positive Core
00:25:45 Positive-Centred Relationships
00:32:44 Hypnosis & Childhood Patterns
00:37:48 Communication & Relationships
00:41:01 Practical Steps to Self-Awareness
00:46:01 Social Media & Self-Image
00:48:00 Finding Peace Within
00:50:01 Mental Fitness & Thoughts
00:50:18 Final Thoughts
Understand Your True Identity: Breaking Free From Negative Self-Talk | Dr Jeremy Thompson
Dr Jeremy Thompson (00:00)
Most people have about five or six negative kind of lines that they say about themselves. there you go, you’re always gonna be a you’re the weird one, you know, I’m weird, I’m unlovable, I’m unworthy, I’m not good enough. There’ll be some kind of sentence that people have.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (00:24)
Hello and welcome to Unstress Health. My name is Dr. Ron Ehrlich.
Well, one of the things we talk about in this podcast is emotional stress and the importance of our thoughts, because at the end of the day, thoughts are things. They are neurotransmitters, little proteins that get attached onto cell membranes and cause our genes to express themselves in a positive or negative way. That’s called epigenetics.
It’s a really empowering tool that we all have available to us, and those little thoughts that you have, you will be familiar with terms like adrenaline and cortisol and dopamine and serotonin. These are all neurotransmitters that come about as a result of our thoughts.
And at the end of the day, while we can’t change events or people around us, we can change the way we think about it. And that is what we are talking about today. Please welcome today Dr. Jeremy Thompson.
And Jeremy’s a Sydney GP with over 30 years of experience in family medicine and the author of a new book called Understand Your True Identity. Now I love doing stories with GPs that develop in their own practice beyond the 10-minute prescription-based appointment.
And there are many of those out there, and Jeremy is one of them. After a decade practicing hypnotherapy and serving as the president, of the Australian Society for Psychological Medicine.
Jeremy developed what he calls, and what we discuss today, the positive-centred model, a way of helping people separate their genuine inbuilt strengths from the negative thinking patterns that have they’ve picked up along the way. He calls this confusion the mixed bag, and untangling it, he argues, is the key to better relationships, less anxiety, and more settled sense of self.
I hope you enjoy this conversation I had with doctor Jeremy Thompson. Welcome to the show, Jeremy.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (02:24)
Thank you, Ron. Thanks for having me.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (02:26)
Jeremy, I’m always I always enjoy talking to GPs that have broken out of the box the mould and and been on a had an epiphany, if you like, a career change or whatever, but you’ve certainly ticked a few of those boxes.
You’ve spent d quite a while, decades, I would I say, as a family GP before writing this book and what was it you kept seeing in your consulting rooms that made you write understand your true identity?
Dr Jeremy Thompson (02:54)
Yeah, I think what it was was like, you know, when I first started as a doctor, you’ve had all this medical training and and then you don’t realise it’s when you start seeing all the everyday people in your community coming in, just how much sort of stress there is and there’s a real overlay of psychological symptoms and so, you know, you’re trying to sort of figure out the medical diagnoses in there, but yeah, I think the the first thing was that how much mental health struggles people were having.
And then I’d worked in s some country towns and in South Australia and New South Wales and cities and I’ve worked in the right in the middle of the city and suburbia. But one thing I kinda noticed was that actually as a GP where you do see everyone in the community that comes in, that actually most people do seem to be cruising along fairly well in their lives and seem to have it under control.
You’re never quite sure, of course. But then there are other groups of people that were coming in to see the GP, the family doctor, a lot, you know, all the time, having more symptoms, more bodily complaints, more stress, more relationship issues.
And I sort of wondered, you know, what is it that really makes the difference? so in life, you know, you want to be cruising along and have it under control and be happy in and enjoying it. And how is it that some people seem to be able to do that and other people can’t?
So to cut a long s story short, I I thought that the vital ingredient that people need to have is this good sense of identity. That you not only need to kind of know who the real inner you is, but you need to feel good about yourself. And that’s such a critical thing. And the surprising thing to me was how many people don’t have a clear sense of who they are. They have what I call the mixed bag concept.
Yes, I was asking about that know they got a some good qualities and some particular talents and and things that they’re inclined towards, but they also feel like they’re full of deficits and flaws and emotional weaknesses and bad habits and and they can’t kind of separate the two.
So they live this difficult life where, you know, they’re they’re up and down in their life and they’re always struggling, needing help from other people. And that’s why they kinda come into the family doctor a lot.
Whereas the others who seem to be more resilient and cruising along in life, they’ve probably been through similar dramas and traumas in their life, but they’ve somehow managed to k push that to the side and it doesn’t interrupt their sense of who they are.
And that gives them this this inner strength. So when problems and and whatever arises in your life, they kinda have a better sense of what the issues are and how they plan to tackle it.
And most things they can sort out on their own without needing help from a doctor or a psychologist or someone like that. So yeah, it was probably years of observing that. And and I was involved in mental health, you know, doing counseling and I did hypnosis for years. And you know, it all kind of sort of fitted together.
So I guess with the book, what I’ve been trying to do is is to show people a different way of thinking about yourself and a different way of thinking about other people. So that you can not only feel better about who you are as a person, but you can always find a way to connect with the good sides in other people.
Even those people that you’re having difficulties with or your first impression is you kind of don’t like them. so yeah, so that’s basically what the the book sort of is about. It flows on to into into other areas to do with communication. Hmm.
And also it’s not just about the being happy in your own life, but it’s working together as a team in your family or at work and organizations.
You know, there are some organizations that are are happy, productive places and everyone you know brings out the best in people, and there’s others that are very dysfunctional and everyone’s miserable, you know. so what is the difference there?
And it’s the same kind of principle I think that’s going on there. So yeah, the book has a sort of a wide range, but it starts with the individual, then it’s to relationships, then it’s to families and bigger groups of people.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (07:12)
So I mean yeah there’s a lot to to unpack there. I mean I’m intrigued because in in general practice, I mean, the challenges you face in dealing with the whole person and the and the mixed bag that they come in with. you know, that’s challenging.
I mean, I think the average GP appointment is eight we’ve done programs on antidepressants. And here’s a sobering statistic. ninety five percent of antidepressants are prescribed by GPs.
Mm. The average time a GP has as an appointment is I think I’m being generous, but ten to fifteen minutes. And it would be very hard to unpack complex mental health issues in that time. So I can imagine that would be one of the challenges you must have faced early in your career as a
Dr Jeremy Thompson (08:03)
It it is a challenge and and I I’ve always been very interested in people and I think general practitioners, they’re family doctors. they’re not specialists, so the the specialists kind of focus on their area. It might be hearts or it might be kidneys or cancer or something like that.
Whereas we kind of manage everything and so I’m as much as I’m interested in the the person’s problem that they come in with, I’m also interested in the person, like their life, what they’re doing what life’s all about for them, where they want to go with it and this sort of thing.
So yeah, I mean the the I’ll often run late, I must admit. That’s probably my main the main thing that people don’t like about me but I am pretty thorough as well. And some some consultations will be shorter and that allows you to do some that are longer. And you can get people to come back and do longer consultations.
And I think Australian general practitioners as a whole are fairly ment mental health minded, not all of them, but a lot of them. you know, so yeah, generally I th I think they’re kinda okay.
It is true, some are a bit you know, bit knee jerk happy to just prescribe an antidepressant or something like that. which I’m kinda not like that, although sometimes that is what people need, I must say, but yeah, it is a bit hard.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (09:27)
I mean mental health is a huge and arguably a growing problem and I think not only events in the world but the devices we embrace that are built in a negativity is built into those devices. Engagement is about clickability and clickability is about negativeness. So there’s a kind of a a you know we’re really up against it, aren’t we, as a community? in that sense.
You talk about a mixed bag, you’ve mentioned it already. I wondered if we might just unpack that a little bit more because there are genuine strengths tangled up with negative beliefs. and and just unpacking those a little bit for us would be interesting.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (10:08)
Yeah, okay. Well look the the way I see it, I actually used to work in a children’s hospital as well for for s for a period of time and and when I first left the children’s hospital, then I went into general practice, so I ended up seeing a lot of babies and a lot of mums and little kids and all that sort of thing.
So I’ve always enjoyed observing these babies and little kids, you know, when they come into my surgery.
And I reckon that actually when we’re born into the world, we don’t have this negativity in our head. kids might cry and be miserable and you know, seem like they’re a bit of a rat bag or something, but usually just when there’s something wrong, they’re they’re tired or hungry or in pain or there’s something wrong. If there’s nothing wrong, they’re generally pretty happy.
So the wa the way I see it, and I’ve got this sort of model here and this is supposed to represent your mind or someone’s head, that we actually a little child comes into the world and they’ve got certain natural t talents and abilities and things that they’ll they’ll find enjoyment in later in life.
And they’re all a bit different, you know. Some are very sporty, some are creative, some are wide thinkers, some are good focused thinkers, some are very tough and hard, some are a bit more meek and passive, you know.
So they’re all different, but there’s all different range of qualities. And generally from that smiley face here, you can see that I think babies are are na are naturally sort of fairly happy if nothing’s wrong. And as they grow up, you kinda see their determination and their enjoyment.
They they play a lot of games, they have a lot of fun. And it would be great if we could all go through life and and have this beautifully positive existence.
But of course, it doesn’t stay like that because there’s you can do things that are dangerous. You might crawl out onto a road, so your mum will grab you and you and shout at you or maybe whack you or something. You have problems with your siblings. You end up going to school and you you might not fit in, you can get into trouble.
And so people start building up these negative thoughts, you know, I’m not good enough or I’m the bad one. My sister’s the smart one, I’m the dumb one, and you know, I’m the weird one. So while as they start with this positive perspective and of course they’re not really thinking about this.
But then these you know, negative thoughts and sometimes they turn into bad behaviours and bad habits, acting out, attention seeking behaviours and all these sort of things that come on. And people see these negative behaviours and they label the child.
He’s he’s the bad one, he’s he’s a real ratbag, that kid. And so all these things can build up. And so sometimes by the time kids are in high school, they they’ve already got this kind of mixed up sense of who they are.
And if you go through your life like that and you don’t fix this up and get in touch with your true self that you were you were kinda born to be, then these things start to be a real problem. if s if things go wrong in your life or you you go through a hard time you might be being bullied and things like that, the minuses seem to grow in force and they almost take over you.
They can smother you and you might end up with a b hang out with a bad crowd of people or getting into drugs or, you know, other sort of dysfunctional ways of thinking. So sometimes these minuses sort of grow really big and strong.
And yet at other times a couple of good things will go your way and so you realise, actually, I’m quite good at this and I’m quite good at that. So then the pluses will grow bigger and the minuses will weaken, but they always feel like they’re part of who you are.
Does that make sense so far?
Dr Ron Ehrlich (14:03)
It does. I mean, I think you know, it kind of reinforces a theme we’ve pursued in this podcast often and that is your mind can either be your best friend or your worst enemy. And we kind of have a default a as a species, one could argue, to a negative bias, you know, it’s kind of as a a survival thing.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (14:27)
Yeah, I I agree with you, that’s right. Yeah. but it’s it’s yeah, you learn from your mistakes, you learn from things where you nearly got killed and you learn from all these things. So the negatives do seem to be c quite prominent, these ideas and beliefs that you get.
And you constantly need to have a look at them. But let me just go on with this because another part of if people I’d I don’t think most people think about this very much. th they might come in and they’re struggling with life.
And they’ve got all these issues and problems, and they might go to a counsellor or psychologist and you you’re trying to rub out some of these minuses. but there’s so many of them there that it’s an ongoing, you know, task, having all this therapy and and there’s a an inherent instability there.
And I find it interesting there’s so many people that go to psychologists and counsellors, but for me the the the most important thing is hang on a tick. Amongst all of this, who’s the real you?
You know? And and often the the people who are kind of cruising through life and that have this more resilience, they actually don’t see themselves that way. They they feel that they are centered on the positives. But unfortunately there’s many people that don’t.
They either feel mixed up or they feel centred on the negative ideas and beliefs, that they’re basically a loser and no one really likes them and that’s what their centre is. And that’s a a really problematic thing to have.
So for me, this I sense of identity and and clarifying this is really important. I was just gonna say that people that kinda go through a feeling a bit mixed up like that, they tend to see everyone that way.
So they might meet someone, and you know, they see some good positive qualities in a pertin person and and so they like them for that. Maybe they’ve got a couple of positive interests in common.
But of course it doesn’t take long before the person does something that kind of rubs you up the wrong way. You don’t like the way they speak to you or they might seem a bit arrogant or a bit rude or something like or dominating. So then then you start seeing these minuses. And sometimes if they do too many things that you you don’t like, it’s it’s almost like the minuses all
Combined together and then you just see the person as a big black minus and you think, what an awful person. You know, I I can’t believe I ever spent time with them. I hate them. You know, they’re they’re revolting. I never want to have anything to do with them in their life.
So people who sort of have this mixed up way of thinking about not only themselves but other people, they do have a lot of troubles in relationships.
Yeah, and it’ll be again a bit of an on and off thing. Sometimes they’re all in love and it’s beautiful and then it all comes crashing down and they’re fighting. So relationships become mixed up as well.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (17:29)
tell the difference as individuals between talents that are really their you know, the the truly inbuilt talents that one has and the negative self talk that’s crept in from somewhere else. How do we how do we distinguish those?
Dr Jeremy Thompson (17:45)
Well one practical thing that I think you you can do, and I think everyone should have an awareness of it in your day to day life, is just having a awareness of how you feel. say out of ten, you’re ten out of ten, you’re feeling absolutely incredible, euphoric.
You’re not often going to be ten out of ten, but if you’re feeling eight or nine out of ten, you’re getting a a a feeling of inner positive energy.
That’s worth tapping into because I think that is an indicator of of something that relates to your true self. So whenever you feel really good, ask yourself, hey, what is it that’s making me feel so good? You know, it might just be that you’re doing something and you get this inner sense of enjoyment.
And by the way, I’m not talking about sometimes you do something well and everyone gives you a pat on the back and s says how great you are. I’m not talking about that.
I’m just talking about when you get that inner feeling of positive. So it doesn’t matter whether someone would pat you on the back or not.
You’re just happy doing it for the sheer pleasure that that it gives you. or sometimes you’re talking to people and they’re you know, after a weekend and they’re talking about what they did on the weekend or where they went for their holidays or what they do for a job or something like that.
And sometimes people say things and you you get all excited and you think, Wow, that sounds fantastic well it doesn’t mean you need to change a career and go and do that, but you can ask yourself, I wonder what it is about what they’re doing that appeals to me.
So there’s lots of little ways that you get to know your inner self. The things that make you feel positive and feel good inside, you’re onto something there. And I think it’s worth writing those little things down. in fact I get people to to do that.
To so a lot of people like to take a journal or kind of log how they’re feeling and all this sort of thing. Sometimes what they do is come back with this big complicated log and it’s it’s all a bit mixed up and all over the place. You’re not sure what to do with it. But I think if you are going to do a journal, put all the positive things on one side and the negative times.
So the feelings when you feel low, like you’re only feeling thr two, three or four out of ten, when you feel down, it’s worth having an awareness of that as well. And then I think the key thing to do there is have a listen to the dialogue that’s going on in your head. And I think most people have about five or six negative kind of lines that they say about themselves.
There you go, you’re always gonna be a loser. you’re the weird one, you know, I’m weird, I’m unlovable, I’m unworthy, I’m not good enough there’ll be some kind of sentence that people have. So I think it helps to to in a practical sense to to kind of write this stuff down and just have an awareness of it as you go through your life. And bit by bit you manage to separate it out because and let me show you
I don’t know if you can see this diagram here, but this is what I think is a better way to think of yourself, that you’re born with this positive perseverity.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (21:09)
Thinking for our for our listener that is listening, we’re looking at two circles that had been initially separate, one with positive and negative signs on it, and and now we’re bringing two circles together.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (21:23)
Yeah, well in in the mixed bag circle, the pluses and minuses all mixed up together. But as I’ll say, I believe we start off in life without the negativity. Not everybody agrees with me, by the way, on that point. Some people believe, no, some humans are just born evil.
Well, I’ve never met one. I’ve had so many babies and little kids come in that I don’t think that’s true. Some are very tough and uncompromising and they need to learn
How to regulate themselves and get and get on with people. And you can see that as a as a a negative thing, I suppose, but not necessarily. There’s a an element of strength there which is good. And it and kids often need to mature and then use that in the right way.
But so the the other diagram I’ve got is the the negatives and the bad habits and unhelpful beliefs are out to the side. It’s more like they’re a backpack and you carrying it around on your back.
Maybe you never really get rid of these things. So people go through, you know, often terrible traumas and or just difficulties at home or you know, long periods where it’s really unhappy and unpleasant or bullied at school. A lot of this stuff I’m not sure that people ever get rid of it altogether.
It’s it is sort of in their mind space a bit, but it’s where you see those negatives that’s the critically important point.
That you kind of you everyone’s got that in a positive core and that’s what their their true self is. I believe people have that positive core. I mean we’ve evolved over a long period of time. It’s been survival of the fittest, the weaker ones have died off.
And somehow or other you, Ron and me and anyone who’s listening, we’re actually, believe it or not, we’re the best of the best. You know, and we got some good genes from our parents who got them from their parents and and so it goes down the line.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (23:17)
Just by virtue of the fact that we’ve we’ve survived.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (23:21)
Absolutely.
That we’re here alive on the planet means that, you know, we’ve got some we’ve got the the genes and the talents and the abilities to survive and have a good life. And I think everyone should have a have faith in themselves that they do have that.
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Dr Jeremy Thompson (24:47)
and the the other reason I believe it is just from my observations of kids that I’ve seen how positive they are and then I’ve also seen how they learn these negative thoughts from getting into trouble and being yelled at and and this sort of thing.
But nonetheless, this is the I call this a positive centered approach. So it’s not like you’re trying to deny these negative forces or unhelpful or bad habits that you might have acquired.
But you see them all as things got acquired and the important thing is to keep them out to the sun. Does that make sense?
Dr Ron Ehrlich (25:21)
Yes, and I was going to ask you about that very thing, your positive centred approach, which you know, dovetails into your mind being your best friend or your worst enemy, but a but making it your your you know, taking a positive approach to it all is clearly the key. It’d be un interesting to understand or get some insight into how one would approach that.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (25:45)
Yeah, and and just while you were saying that, I was just thinking so sometimes for me I might be in some situation and maybe it’s it’s someone’s you know, giving me a hard time or, you know, abusing me out in the traffic or something like that.
You know, I can feel myself wanting to react angrily or or get all negative and sulky and and stop being my normal true self. So I I think of my true self, well, I really like doing one thing that makes me feel good.
I do like helping people. I love problem solving and so when people have problems I like to help them find a way around it and and find a way so that they feel good and that makes me feel good. So I I
Dr Ron Ehrlich (26:31)
That would explain that would explain your choice of becoming medical practitioner there, Jeremy.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (26:36)
Well, because yeah, maybe. Anyway, certainly. I would hope. So if I’m like that, I sometimes I can feel myself. It’s it’s like I’m being dragged over to my negative side and I’m wanting to react angrily.
Actually, so if you can imagine the people who are l just listening in the the diagram, if you’ve got two people and they’re interacting with each other. So what I’m saying here is someone say this is me down underneath, if they’re dishing out
Some aggression towards me. And what I want to do is I want to connect with their positive side and I want them to connect positively with me. So with these models, this is this is how good relationships work. You you your positive side connects with another person’s positive side. Sooner or later they’ll they will do things that you don’t like and you will do things that they don’t like.
But where you run into trouble is if as I say, if I was to come over here and react back angrily or negatively towards that person, then you end up having a horrible fight. And let me give you a real time ex example that probably a lot of people can relate to.
You know, when two people get married, there’s a wonderful thing when you fall in love with someone that there’s some funny chemical reaction that happens in your brain and you can’t see the other person’s negatives.
So they’re not there. You all you see is their positives, and their positives are probably bigger than they really are in real life. Sometimes your friends will say, hang on, they’re not that good, you know, don’t forget that they did this and they did that.
But to you you don’t really see it, you just see the positives. So when two people are in love, you have this wonderful connection of of thoughts and emotions, which is very uplifting for both of you.
Sometimes, unfortunately, a few years later, that same couple now fighting like cat and dog, they’re getting divorced. And incredibly the brain chemicals seem to change that now this person can’t see the positives. All they can see is the negatives there. And not only that, they’re reacting badly.
So both sides are reacting with a whole lot of negative forces which actually aren’t part of their DNA, but it’s all the acquired anger and frustration from the past. And so they get stuck in these very harmful relationships.
So before you you drift down that line, I think it’s very important when you get that. You’ve got to say, hang on. What does the real me want to do in this situation? This feels like they’re being really unfair and and really horrible to me. But I know there’s a good soul behind this person.
There must be something that’s really troubling them for them to react like this. Yeah, I I need to somehow
Try and and break through that and and c connect with their positive side to deal with that. So some of in the book where I go into communications and and not just normal you know, assertive communication and all that sort of thing, but how do you deal with people when they’re really horrible to you or or aggressive towards you and angry to you?
And I think the key thing is you do need to stand up to a person’s dangerous or harmful behaviours.
So you do need to stand up to it and block it. But but you at the same time you need to work around it and have a connection to the positive side of that person by saying something like, hang on a team. I don’t think you need to s speak to me with that raised voice. I can sense there’s something that’s really troubling you. What is it that’s really worrying you?
Or or is there something that I’ve done that you don’t like? Do you know what I mean? So with all the sort of methods of communication. Probably like what I was saying before, how some people are naturally more resilient and happier than others. There are some people that never seem to get in fights with anyone. They can get on with anybody. So I’ve I’ve taken
Dr Ron Ehrlich (30:42)
Or Peter Wagner, Jeremy rather, they could tolerate anybody.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (30:47)
Yeah, but they somehow seem to work around it and they can and they can get things happening positively, form a get a rapport going with that person and then maybe later on they can say, Hey, you know, might be a good idea if if is some of the you just be careful the way you speak to people ’cause you’re actually rubbing people up the wrong way. You know.
There there are some people who are much better with this than others, and there are some people who get in fights all the time. So that’s another thing I’ve been interested in.
Why? You know what are those ones doing who can get on better with people and don’t get sucked into fights? and tend to have better relationships than others, what do they do? So again, I think it’s that they’ve got this positive centered approach and they refuse to get dragged off their their naturally good positive person that that they are.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (31:38)
But so much of this you’re talking about the basically born happy child. I mean so much of this really does relate in fact I think the Jesuits once said, Show me the boy, let’s say show me the child. Let’s be non sexist here.
Show me the child at seven and I’ll show you the adult they actually said show me the boy and I’ll show you the man, but but you know, and when we look at some of the research about affection in the first year or two of life laying down an emotional resilience.
You know, there’s so much there in those first seven years of life that are found literally foundational for the emotional intelligence, which is what we’re basically talking about here, of an individual. I notice you’ve you’ve also had experience with hypnosis, and this is very much about reflecting on our past to infi to inform our present
And our future, where does hypnosis how how how have you found hypnosis as a tool for doing that reflection? Is that been useful?
Dr Jeremy Thompson (32:44)
Yeah. well as you y you said with people in their childhood, the things that happen there are so impressionable. They they kinda get stuck in your emotional inner belief systems and and deep in your subconscious mind often. I got into hypnosis because you know, often people
they they might understand the theory of all of this and they’re trying to be their their true positive self but they just kinda can’t. They keep lapsing back and they and it’s because this stuff is embedded deep. The whole idea of hypnosis is to, you know, target the problems buried down in the subconscious mind.
And you need to kind of relax the outer conscious mind, which is keeping a close check on things and won’t allow you to access the subconscious. And you’ve got to try and relax that target the subconscious and and lift that out and get rid of those problem there. So when when I was is doing hypnosis, I mean often people would come into simple things.
They wanted to stop smoking or they wanted to eat less chocolate cake or they wanted to, you know, change some what they saw as a bad habit. And you and you you say, well, how come you haven’t been able to change that habit yourself? What is it that stops you? And of course that’s where it actually comes back to in the past there. There’s deep-seated anxieties and things.
Maybe the the chocolate cake eating person might have perhaps when things were tough in their family there was an o emotional eating. You know, mum would give us chocolate cakes and so it’s their stress reliever is this eating or something.
So to actually through hypnosis to get rid of that chocolate cake eating thing you’d also need to get rid of that stress as a childhood where you felt you needed it. And so when I was doing hypnosis and have you ever had it yourself?
Dr Ron Ehrlich (34:41)
I have.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (34:41)
It’s a bit scary, isn’t it? You’ve kinda gotta give yourself over to this person.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (34:46)
Yeah, so well, sweet surrender really, and if you don’t, it’s not gonna really happen for you, is it? I mean, people are more susceptible or more open, would be a better word to it than than others.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (34:58)
Yeah, well that’s right. but that’s
Dr Ron Ehrlich (35:00)
It could be a reflection on how willing you are to reflect.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (35:05)
Yeah, but also people are scared to let go completely. Yeah. And you need a degree of confidence to to to let go. You need to know that the the hypnosis person you’re seeing knows what they’re doing, that they understand you well. They’re not gonna get rid of some parts of you that are actually core to who you are. So when I was doing it, I’d get a a real history from people.
And in the end there’d be a whole lot of negative forces in there they’d acquired and it basically fitted in with this this idea of this positive centered thing. I and I’d be saying, Okay, so who is the real you here?
The real you is this person that likes doing this and likes doing that and and and you’ve picked up these bad feelings and emotions from your mum or your dad or and that caused you to think this way.
So with the hypnosis, then you’d be getting rid of all of this, all the roots and origins of this current day problem. So that actually was part of what did work into this my idea of the true self and that people do have a true self and it is a good and talented person, and that it’s really critical that you kinda know who that good person is and identify with it and keep all these other things out to the side.
And some people the hypnosis is a good idea and EMDR, which is a in my mind is a form of hypnosis.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (36:31)
Just remind our listener what those stands for, I do know. I think it’s okay. EMDR
Dr Jeremy Thompson (36:37)
I’m is it?
Dr Ron Ehrlich (36:38)
Yeah, I think it’s eye movement rapid it’s about dealing with trauma and and past experiences, I I believe.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (36:48)
Well it is. It it’s like a hypnotic thing where you sort of follow this and that that distracts your mind and and allows you to access and get these messages in deeper. Yeah. It’s like a shortcut hypnosisy type of method of helping people, which well that’s that’s kinda how I see it anyway. Yeah. I think that’s that
Dr Ron Ehrlich (37:06)
Yeah, that’s a fair fair assessment.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (37:10)
Yeah.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (37:12)
But now when when you know, in relationships we talk about individuals, but relationships w you know, a lot of relationship conflict seems to come from one person believing they’re right. How does you know, and how do we see how do we change the way we see other people’s flaws here?
You know, I mean it’s big enough challenge sorting yourself out, but then having the magnanimity is that the correct word anyway, to say this person in front of me is is annoying the hell out of me but somewhere in there is a good person. Wow, that would be quite a place to get to as an individual.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (37:48)
Yeah, but it’s one once you get the hang of it, for some people, they think, no, that’s just wrong. That’s you know, some people are just awful people and you don’t want to have anything to do with them, you know? Yeah. yeah, I think your language is really important.
Like you might someone might do something and you think it’s it’s a a stupid thing to do and you say, Hey, that was that was stupid. you that wouldn’t be a good way to bring up that issue with the person. It’s better to think
Hey, that seems strange to me that you’ve just done that there w can you tell me why you’ve done it that way, you know? ’cause I wouldn’t have done it that way, you know. Or you can prefix things. Hey, look, the way I see it, it would be better if we did it this way.
Rather than just say, We should do it this way. You’ve got it with your communications with people, we’re supposedly in a dem democratic world where we treat everyone as equals.
And you got sometimes with your language you’re actually being coming up and and you’re a bit judgmental and a bit dominating without realizing it. A lot of people do this and they go, No, that’s not what happened. It happened this way.
Well, as soon as someone says that to you, if you don’t agree with them, you tend to get your back up. And you and and so you’ll tend to retort back with, No, you don’t know what you’re talking about, you know, you you’ve just been completely ignorant.
So you’re making a judgmental statement. And this is what happens. People end up raising mistakes and getting higher and higher rather than trying to stay on the level. You two individuals you might see things differently. There’s an issue between you and you have your opinion about and they have theirs.
And so yeah, there’s some stuff in the book on this, but I mean with assertive communication, you’re just trying to say how you see Yeah. Well I see it this way.
I think it would be better if we did that. I’d prefer it if if we went there, but I don’t really mind, you know. and just being careful with your language. I think also sometimes when you’re thinking about other people, often you might judge one of their habits or behaviors as being bad and wrong.
But of course to them it doesn’t feel bad or wrong. And that’s how they’ve always done it, and it hasn’t caused any great drama. So there’s lots of things in relationships where
Yeah, there’s there’s probably no real rights or wrongs, but there’s just different ways of looking at. And when people do things that are very different to yours, there’s usually a background to it. And it’s interesting to ask about the background. gee, why do you keep the house so tidy and clean?
Well, when I grew up, you know, blah, blah, blah. and so and and you go, well, yeah, in my house that was so different, you know. So then people get to understand the reasons why we have
disagreements and see things differently without getting too angry about it. But I think it is always important to keep that perspective that the things that you don’t like are not part of the core of who that person is. Hm.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (41:01)
Malic, if someone was listening to this today and they wanted to start sorting out their mixed bag, what would be the first practical step you’d want to give them?
Dr Jeremy Thompson (41:12)
Well, so we talked about having a look at your your life in the present and having that that more of a self awareness, and clicking on every time you get those excited positive inner feelings. And also clicking on when you were feeling quite good, now suddenly you feel bad.
What are you saying to yourself? So that’s in your your everyday life right now. I think it is also worth revisiting your past.
I think it’s true what you said before, that people remember the bad things more strongly and powerfully. So sometimes if a a patient comes in and and they say, tell me all about your your upbringing and your past, what was it like?
Usually they’ll start with a couple of bad things, you know, how mean dad was or how scared they all were as kids or something like that. So I think it’s and and often people it becomes like a story that’s in the background of their belief system.
And they sometimes will conveniently leave out the positive things. So they might say, my my father was just a horrible man. we all lived in fear. he was a war veteran and and it was it was terrible. And I might hear about all the terrible things that happened and I say, you know, was he ever was he ever nice to you or were there some good times.
And and usually there are, you know, yeah, actually times he took us camping and we actually had a really good time together.
And then you say, and th and those bad things that he he did to you, where do you think they came from? might have been the war or it might or what was his upbringing like as a child?
So yeah, he had a really hard childhood. And so that sort of helps people to think start thinking of their dad rather than seeing him as this rat bag with a big black minus, but to think, no
There probably is a good person in there somewhere and unfortunately due to this trauma, it’s a it’s affected him. And so he’s been lashing out with some negatives. And and really my job in life is to not allow those to get caught up in my sense of self.
And I’ve got to try and keep them out the side. And if I’m talking to my dad, ask you know, maybe you have a chat with your dad. Hey Dad, what was life life like for you as a kid, you know?
And and just by using that same positive centred approach, the way you treat even the people that you kind of feel like you don’t like them, sometimes you find a way around it and and and suddenly you s you start to find things that you don’t like about them. I I do this with patients.
So sometimes you know, for example, I had a I had a guy and he was the husband of a a lady patient of mine who was in a nursing home. She was a lovely lady.
And the staff said, We can’t stand the husband. He comes in here and he complains all the time and he’s just really rude to everyone. And and I chatted to him and he was difficult to get to like. So I I decided, you know, I’ve gotta I’ve gotta find something about this guy.
So I said I said, Hey, look, I I’ve seen you here a few times, but I don’t really know you very well. Tell me about yourself. So anyway he
He said, well, you know, I grew up in England, I was in the war. He said, actually I met my wife in the war. I was a a bomber pilot or something. And we did some things and and I got injured and I was in hospital. That’s where I met my wife.
And anyway, he told me some sort of war stories and and he he sort of lightened up and and I actually started to quite like him a bit. And and so we’ve we formed a a kind of a an alliance and I said, Hey look
By the way, you’re in here with the staff, just be careful not to criticize too much because some of the staff feel, you know, that you’re sort of pointing out the negatives too much and and he goes, am I? Gee, I didn’t know that. Wow, I I never knew that.
And and the staff thanked me later on that he kind of changed after that. So anyway, look, that’s just a little example where you can try and put that into practice and it does yield good results.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (45:23)
I mean I think the this whole this is what I like about this idea is this concept of reflection, of kindness, of taking taking a step back and giving people a chance because they deserve we all deserve that, is a very positive thing. I just want to finish up, Jeremy, by t asking you this question, taking a step back.
From your role as a GP and now an author, because we are all individuals on a health journey in this modern world,
Dr Jeremy Thompson (45:53)
Yeah.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (45:53)
what do you think the biggest challenge is for us as individuals on that journey?
Dr Jeremy Thompson (46:01)
Yeah, and it probably varies across the ages. It really worries me all this social media thing and this obsession with your looks and you know, all this kind of superficial stuff. So I don’t know how to answer that question very quickly, but y kid yeah, do you mind sort of rephrasing it a bit?
Dr Ron Ehrlich (46:24)
I think you’ve actually hit on something quite important and that and this is one of the challenges of our positive model, I would s I would argue.
Yeah. Is is that we are bombarded with these messages constantly wanting showing us how great life is out there, enhanced usually digitally and and trying to r trying to come to terms with that in our own real world. I I think you’ve actually probably answered it very well and that
Dr Jeremy Thompson (46:52)
Well maybe. I yeah, d I don’t think yeah, everyone wants to look attractive and there’s nothing wrong with that. But you don’t want to be obsessed by it. Most of your beauty comes from within. It’s from finding who you are and doing the things in life that feel right to you.
So then you get a natural radiance that comes from within. I think that’s really what people are wanting to find in relationships. There’s lots of people out there.
I don’t believe anyone should try and change who they are to try and fit in with someone else. I think you just need to be who you are. If people like you for who you are, and I’m talking about deep inside, not what you look like. Yeah. that’s great.
And if they don’t like you, well, there’s not much you can do about it. There’s gonna be other people out there who share similar interests to you and think in a similar way to you.
And if you just follow your own journey, trying to be yourself as best as you can, you do start to make friends with people and it and then you have nice easy relationships. So yeah, th I think there’s a lot of teenagers, they just get caught up with the the superficial thing and there’s not a lot of depth in there.
They they do have depth, but they’re sort of losing touch with it. And so I think all these things, kids getting out in the country more and just doing hands on things, sports, music, creativity, all those things where you you f discover all these inner talents there. I think
That’s the really important thing. And of course, once kids finish school, things become a lot easier and a lot better for them because, you know, suddenly people stop worrying so much about a lot of that rubbish that the the school kids are sort of so troubled by.
But yeah, I think when I originally wrote the book, my original title for it was Peace in Yourself, Peace in Your Relationships and Peace in the World.
And the original publisher said, Well, Jeremy, you don’t know that much about the world. You work one on one with people. So let’s just cut that down a bit. So so then I was thinking, yeah, peace in yourself, peace in your relationships, peace in in your family and community, that type of thing, because that’s that’s really what I’m hoping to spread, a sort of better way of seeing people, so that we can all get on a lot better.
And it certainly does trouble me the way a a lot of things are in the world at the moment.
I think a lot of our leaders are kind of mixed bag type of characters and then they’re sort of firing off and they’re getting caught in a lot of dysfunctional things which are really unnecessary and and across the the planet, deep down everyone wants the same thing.
They wanna have a good life, they wanna they wanna be a good person themselves, they wanna get on with their their family and friends and neighbours and have a have a good nice life. And
It’s so frustrating that we can’t we can’t make it happen. And so in my own small way I’m trying to present a a different way of of looking at these things that I hope you know, will help some people.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (49:58)
Well, I think Jeremy, that’s a great
Dr Jeremy Thompson (50:00)
No.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (50:01)
for us to finish on and finding peace in yourself, finding peace in your relationship and even if your publisher doesn’t like it, or finding peace in the world. Thank you so much for all of the work you’re doing and sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us here today.
Dr Jeremy Thompson (50:18)
Thanks Ron for having me on the show. yeah, I I hope hope it gives some people a a bit of interest and and check out the book, Understand Your True Identity.
Dr Ron Ehrlich (50:29)
Well, if you visit my website, dronerlick.com, you will see there that mental fitness is a central part of the daily cycle we all go through. I’ve identified five challenges that we experience each and every day that impact on our health, five stresses, and the five pillars of health that build resilience, and the mindset with which we approach that.
Now our mo our mind can be our best friend or our worst enemy, and the
The primary saboteur for us all, if you like, is the judge. The way we judge ourselves, the way we judge others, and the way we judge events around us. And at the end of the day, while we can’t change many of those things, we can change the way we think about it, and that is exactly what Jeremy is talking about.
We’ll have links to his website and his book. I hope this finds you well. Until next time, this is Dr. Ron Ehrlich. Be well.
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